allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
