he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
