"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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