The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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