Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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