toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
