i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
