I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
