census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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