The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
