One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize