go do what you do best...puke behind churches
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
