i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
