never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
