shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
