loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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