im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
