i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
