you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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