Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
