i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
