if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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