i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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