why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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