There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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