One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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