Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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