He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
