Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
