When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
