these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
