is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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