i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dick very happy bro
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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