that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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