he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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