This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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