Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
