Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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