My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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