I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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