I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
