the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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