How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
