She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
