This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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