also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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