the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
