I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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