His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
