Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
