He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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