Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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