is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
