we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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