either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
