he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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