Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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