your parents love me but you hate me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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