hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!