Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.