I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship