so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME