I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
