Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.