We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
