Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He shit in the fireplace
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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