I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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