mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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