im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
