I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
