i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
