I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
