Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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