ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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