guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
